by Mariah Kidd, B.S., GEOSCIENCES, 2022, Boise State University
This is the 4th post in the Guest Editor Series, Metacognition, Writing, and Well-Being, Edited by dawn shepherd, PhD, Ti Macklin, PhD, and Heidi Estrem, PhD
Introduction
The summer after I graduated high school was a turbulent time; plans changed, I felt lost and confused, and I needed a way to make sense of it all. I’ve never understood why but at that time I felt a natural pull towards writing about my life. So, I bought a journal and began scribbling down my thoughts and feelings. During the last five years, I have used journaling as a tool to digest my experiences. Each time I write, I leave my journal feeling lighter and clearer than when I started because I took time to slow down and release the internal pressure of my mind. My journal slowly became a place where I was able to express myself freely without the worry of judgment from another person. This took time, however; it was difficult to be honest and non-judgmental with myself about my own feelings. To this day, I continue using my journal as a way to ponder, process, and plan how I want to show up in life.
Building Self-Awareness
Before I began journaling in 2017, I did not practice self-reflection. I needed a practice where my internal world could be reflected back to me in a way that I could understand. My journal is a mirror; it reflects everything about myself back to me. Once I begin writing, parts of myself that I didn’t know existed are revealed; something about writing allows my subconscious thoughts and feelings to emerge. Awareness of my subconscious thoughts and feelings shows me how my life is unknowingly controlled by impulsive reactions or assumptions I carry. This awareness provides an opportunity for me to consciously choose how to respond to situations rather than instinctually reacting in harmful ways.
An entry from my journal on July 18, 2022 is an example of my growing self-awareness:
“Distraction is everywhere. Especially in my mind – my thoughts are constantly trying to direct my attention elsewhere. This morning I noticed myself getting pulled into social media so I decided to start reading. While reading I got distracted more than once. After reading I felt the urge to check my phone again. So I picked up my journal… Now here we are.”
Consistent reflection allows patterns in my life to emerge – only then, once my patterns are revealed through my writing, am I able to make tangible change towards more aligned patterns and habits.
Tracking Growth
As a person who values personal development, re-reading and reflecting on my journals is a useful tool to see how I have grown over the years. Since I began journaling, I have filled 11 journals cover-to-cover with my life story through college and beyond. Last spring I re-read these journals in chronological order from my freshman year of college to where I currently am six months post-graduation.
Reading my journals showed me how subtle and slow the process of growth is. Just like nature, we grow slowly. Each day we have the opportunity to be 1% better than the day before, and over the years that 1% adds up to substantial change. However, change can be difficult to notice in your day-to-day life. This is where the beauty of journaling becomes crystal clear. Journals allow us to time-travel to see how younger versions of ourselves moved through the world and can reveal meaningful changes that had previously gone unnoticed. Once I recognize where growth has already occurred, I feel inspired to take more aligned actions in my life to pursue future growth as a result of my reflection.
Beyond personal growth, reflective practices during college revealed trackable growth as a student. In English classes, university foundations courses, and philosophy classes I engaged in reflective writing that guided me into new ways of thinking about my academics. I had the opportunity to consider challenges I encountered through projects, acknowledge what I did well, and plan for how I can improve in the future. A full college course-load can quickly become difficult to navigate, but having reflective practices built into courses created the space to reflect, reground, and encourage me through my journey as a student. Reflection was always my favorite part of the few classes that incorporated it and I always wished every class had a reflection component.
Let Your Writing Evolve With You
Over the years, my journal has served many purposes depending on where I am in life. In the past it has served as a place to release overwhelming emotions. Other times it is used to capture special experiences that I want to remember the fullness of for the rest of my life. When I’m feeling stagnant, I use my journal to organize my life, dial in my habits, and plan how I want to show up in my life. Most commonly now, I use my journal to ask questions and dive deeper into my relationship with myself.
During college I used my journal to separate my personal life from my academic life. I created time and space to process my life outside of school so that I was able to fully show up to my academics without the distraction of unprocessed experiences. Through the years, I’ve realized how important it is to let the purpose of my journal evolve and change as I do because then it can support me at any point in life.
Finding Beauty
Adopting a consistent journaling practice has allowed me to find more meaning and value in my life experiences. I regularly incorporate gratitude into my journaling practice as a reminder that my life is richer and more beautiful than my mind would sometimes like me to believe. Five years ago, I could have never imagined how large of a role journaling would play in my development of becoming a more aligned version of myself day by day. This fact alone provides unlimited opportunity for what role my journal may play in the coming years of my life. Reflecting and taking aligned action in my life will be a continual process of refining myself through my self-discovery process.
